


Together and Not

by tocourtdisaster



Category: Babylon 5
Genre: Angst, Canonical Character Death, Community: 1sentence, F/M, Fluff, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2009-12-27
Updated: 2009-12-27
Packaged: 2017-10-05 08:02:21
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,434
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/39495
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tocourtdisaster/pseuds/tocourtdisaster
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p><i>Marcus doesn't believe in forever, but if he did, he thinks that he would like to spend his forever with Susan Ivanova.</i> Spoilers up to and including the entire third and fourth season, as well as canon character death.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Gamma

**Author's Note:**

> I've included the prompt word before each sentence to try to limit confusion.

**Ring** – Her voice rings with authority and the promise of dire consequences if her orders are not carried out in a timely fashion; he scurries to do her bidding like all her other dutiful minions.

**Hero** – He hates being called a hero; Susan tells him it’s better than being called a traitor and a rogue and to quit complaining before she gives him something to truly complain about.

**Memory** – She remembers the words he spoke to her that day on the White Star and blushes when she finally has time to translate the so-called greeting into English.

**Box** – Susan keeps her emotions locked tight, threw the key away long ago, vowing never to let herself be hurt again.

**Run** – Susan is scared of feeling again and so she runs, but he follows, would follow her to the Rim and beyond, and suddenly, Susan isn’t scared anymore.

**Hurricane** – “Looks like a hurricane passed through here,” Susan comments upon seeing Marcus’ quarters for the first time.

**Wings** – Laughing, Susan throws herself at Marcus and he twirls her around and when they kiss, it feels like she’s flying.

**Cold** – Minbar is colder than she’s used to, colder than she remembers, she thinks, pulling Marcus’ old cloak tighter around her shoulders in the pre-dawn.

**Red** – Susan falters upon entering Medlab, seeing so much blood, knowing that most, if not all, of it belongs to Marcus and that he’s damned lucky to be alive and if he ever scares her like this again, she’ll kill him herself.

**Drink** – Susan likes her vodka, maybe a little too much sometimes, but Marcus can’t abide the stuff and so Susan starts keeping a bottle whiskey in her quarters for when he comes over to share a drink.

**Midnight** – After John’s death, the wolf starts coming earlier and earlier, until one night Susan finds herself at Marcus’ door at midnight, hoping the wolf wouldn’t think to look for her there.

**Temptation** – After months of temptation, Marcus finally snaps and stops Susan’s verbal tirade towards him with his mouth against hers.

**View** – The only time Susan truly enjoys the view from C&amp;C is when Marcus is with her and she can see his reflection on the window next to hers.

**Music** – “Oh no you don’t,” Susan says when Marcus offers to put some music on; obviously Stephen had warned her of his taste in music.

**Silk** – The first time Marcus sees Susan in her nightgown and robe, he can’t help but think that silk is the last thing he expected a practical woman like Susan to wear to bed.

**Cover** – “I’ll make your excuses,” John tells her when she lets him know that she can’t go to the memorial for Marcus; it hurts too much and she isn’t ready to face the fact that, yes, he is dead and no, he’s not going to come back.

**Promise** – She promises herself that she won’t let his sacrifice be in vain and tries to live her life as best she can, but his memory haunts her every action and she’s afraid that she’s failed.

**Dream** – He dreams that she doesn’t push him away, that she accepts his friendship, his affection, and when he wakes, it is with a smile on his face and a determination to make his dream a reality.

**Candle** – Despite her innate cynicism, Marcus has come to realize that Susan is his light in the darkness and that he would be lost without her.

**Talent** – Marcus has the singular talent of being able to annoy Susan in one breath and make her smile in the next, and sometimes, Susan doesn’t know what she’d do without that.

**Silence** – Susan appreciates the moments when Marcus is silent and they can just exist and not have to worry about the fate of the galaxy for one precious minute.

**Journey** – When they both survive the journey to hell and back, Marcus knows they are living on borrowed time and that their luck is bound to fail sooner or later; he just hopes it’s later.

**Fire** – There is fire in her gaze every time she looks his way and, maybe, just maybe, some affection there, too.

**Strength** – News of John’s death and the destruction on Z’ha’dum finally reach Babylon 5, and Susan lets Marcus hold her while she cries, for once in her life letting someone else be strong for her.

**Mask** – Susan finds her mask of indifference slipping the more time she spends around Ranger Cole, but she also finds that she doesn’t mind all that much.

**Ice** – People say she’s the ice queen, never feeling, but Marcus knows that everyone else is wrong: Susan feels, more strongly than most, and she hides because she’s afraid of being hurt.

**Fall** – Marcus isn’t sure when he fell for the commander, all he knows is that it’s over and done with and he can’t imagine his life without her.

**Forgotten** – History often forgets those who don’t make it to the end of a war, but Susan swears that she won’t let history forget Marcus Cole.

**Dance** – They win the war, the Shadows and Vorlons both gone, and everyone celebrates, even the cynical commander and the annoying Ranger, who share an impromptu victory dance on the command deck of a White Star.

**Body** – His body is still warm when they take him away, and Susan thinks it’s all just a dream, this can’t be happening, it can’t be, because she never gave him permission to die like this.

**Sacred** – Valen is sacred to him and Jeff is a friend to her, and they both agree that, whoever he is, was, will be, they aren’t going to argue about it.

**Farewells** – Susan never got to say goodbye and it takes her years to forgive Marcus for taking away her opportunity to do so.

**World** – They saved the world, the galaxy, but Marcus is gone, and Susan’s world is darker because of his loss.

**Formal** – He is the least formal, the least disciplined person she has ever met, so different from everyone else in her life; she can’t help but find him intriguing.

**Fever** – Marcus fairly hauls Susan from C&amp;C and back to her quarters, threatening to be her personal nurse unless she promises to take care of herself better from now on.

**Laugh** – “You have a beautiful laugh,” he tells her one day after his joke about a rabbi, a priest and a lawyer has her in stitches for a good two minutes.

**Lies** – “You’ll be fine,” he tells her, but they both know it’s a lie, and neither of them have the heart to deny it.

**Forever** – Marcus doesn’t believe in forever, but if he did, he thinks that he would like to spend his forever with Susan Ivanova.

**Overwhelmed** – Susan thinks that maybe, just maybe, she might be attracted to Marcus Cole, and it scares the hell out of her.

**Whisper** – “I love you,” he whispers, and she thinks it is God’s voice she hears, not knowing that Marcus has saved her life by giving up his own and that these are the last words he will ever speak.

**Wait** – He tells her that he’s waiting for the right woman; part of Susan thinks it’s sad while the other part thinks it’s incredibly romantic, and so very Marcus.

**Talk** – “We’ve never just sat and talked,” Susan says, her cheeks slightly pink, explaining to Marcus her reasoning for inviting him in.

**Search** – “I should go, before John sends a search party out after me,” Susan tells him, wanting nothing less in that moment than to leave Marcus’ company.

**Hope** – “I think we might just win this war,” she tells him one late night in the war room, fighting to keep the hopeful tone out of her voice, but failing miserably.

**Eclipse** – Marcus watches as Susan’s hard work and dedication is eclipsed by Sheridan’s rising star and he wishes that more people would realize that Sheridan is nothing without his second.

**Gravity** – Stephen comments that it looks like Marcus is floating on cloud nine; Marcus just smiles and continues on, thinking of Susan all the while.

**Highway** – It’s always tricky navigating the Zocolo, but Susan finds it harder than usual today, mainly because she’s trying to lose that annoying Ranger in the crowd, and just when she thinks she’s succeeded, she feels a tap on her shoulder and hears a cheerful, “Good morning, Commander!”

**Unknown** – Neither of them knows where this is going, or if they’ll even still be alive tomorrow to find out; all Marcus and Susan know is that they’re not willing to give up on whatever it is they have together.

**Lock** – Somehow, somewhere, Marcus had found the long lost key to Susan’s heart, and Susan finds that she doesn’t care in the least when he uses it to unlock her heart.

**Breathe** – Every breath she takes is thanks to him, and not a day goes by that she doesn’t wish that he is the one still breathing, not her.


	2. Epsilon

**Motion** – “I thought Rangers were supposed to be calm, collected, and never show nervousness,” Susan comments as she slaps a hand down on Marcus’ knee to stop his annoying twitching.

**  
Cool** – Wiping away condensation from the front of the cryotube, Susan lays her hand down over Marcus’ face, the closest she’ll ever come to touching him again, and speaks the words she never had the courage to say to him while he was still able to hear them.

**  
Young** – Sometimes, when Susan lies awake at night, shivering and alone, she wishes her younger self hadn’t been so foolish, always pushing Marcus away, always trying (but never succeeding) to convince herself that she didn’t care.

**  
Last** – Everyone said that Babylon 5 was the last best hope for peace; what no one ever told Susan Ivanova was that it would also be the last place she would ever be truly happy.

**  
Wrong** – “This is wrong,” she whispers, trying to pull away from his embrace, the rest of her objections dying on her lips as he pulls her close and kisses her again.

**  
Gentle** – Susan hates that everyone is treating her like she’s made of glass and wishes that Marcus was still around because he would treat her normally, but then again, if Marcus where still around, there would be no reason for her friends to be so gentle with her to begin with.

**  
One** – Marcus had vowed to live and die for the One, but when it comes down to it, it isn’t the One he lives for; it isn’t the One he dies for.

**  
Thousand** – As they stand together on the bridge of the White Star, watching Babylon 4 disappear to a place a thousand years ago, Susan can’t help the tears that come to her eyes, nor her relief when Marcus takes her hand in his own and doesn’t say a word.

**  
King** – Susan stares intently at her cards, contemplating her next move, and when she raises her eyes to her opponent and asks if he has a king, Marcus crows delightedly, “Go fish!”

**  
Learn** – “I didn’t know you even knew Russian,” Susan says as she reads through his hand-written note once again; Marcus just smiles and decides not to tell her that he learned just to be able to write her a love note in her native language.

**  
Blur** – “John’s gone and I’m supposed to run this station and lead the war and…” Susan trails off, her vision starting to blur, and the next thing she knows, she’s sobbing against Marcus’ chest and clinging to him like he’s her lifeline.

**  
Wait** – Marcus tells Susan that he’s waiting for the right woman; what he neglects to tell her is that he thinks he’s found the right woman and that the elusive ‘she’ just might be her.

**  
Change** – Susan normally doesn’t like change, but she has to admit, she likes her new uniform quite a bit; she likes it even more when Marcus sees her in it for the first time and his jaw drops.

**  
Command** – Even though Sheridan is the captain, everyone knows that Susan is really the one in charge and that Marcus is the one she relies on as her second, not Lieutenant Corwin.

**  
Hold** – Susan likes to think of herself as a woman who doesn’t need a man to make her life complete, but when Marcus holds her after a long day full of saving the known galaxy, she has a hard time remembering that.

**  
Need** – Delenn tells him that he needs to be strong for Susan, that she can’t afford the energy to be strong for herself anymore, and Marcus tries, he really does try, but he knows that Susan can see right through his act to his own need for her to survive.

**  
Vision** – He’s getting weaker and weaker by the second, his vision dimming rapidly and soon he can’t see anything at all, can barely feel Susan’s hand in his, but he is more content in this moment than he has ever been before, as if his whole life has been leading up to this final act.

**  
Attention** – “You wanted my attention Cole, well now you’ve got it, so speak,” Susan snaps, but suddenly Marcus can’t find the words so he does the next best thing to trying to explain himself: he kisses her.

**  
Soul** – If Susan believed in the Minbari philosophy that every soul is reborn in each successive generation, she would think that little David Sheridan (who is not so little anymore) possesses the soul of Marcus Cole, annoyingly cheerful and sarcastic and always able to see right through her; but Susan doesn’t believe in that sort of stuff, so it can’t be true.

**  
Picture** – When Susan retires to Minbar to take up the position of Entil Zha, the only thing she takes from her office in Earthdome is the little photo of her and Marcus dancing and laughing together after the defeat of the Shadows.

**  
Fool** – “He’s foolish and immature and a pain in my ass and—“ Susan rants to herself, not for the first time, but this time the end of her diatribe is different from before, “and I think I’m falling in love with him.”

**  
Mad** – “I must be mad, absolutely mad,” Marcus mutters to himself every time he thinks of Commander Ivanova in a way that is decidedly unprofessional, which happens often enough that everyone he comes into contact with must think he’s mad as well.

**  
Child** – “Must you always act like a careless child?” she demands, trying (and failing) to hide her amusement, and grabs his hand to inspect the damage done when he’d grabbed a macaroni noodle straight out of the boiling pot of water.

**  
Now** – “Why now?” Susan asks when Marcus kisses her, to which he replies in all seriousness, “Why _not_ now?”

**  
Shadow** – “You will see him again in a place where no shadows fall,” Delenn assures her, and Susan wants desperately to believe.

**  
Goodbye** – He got to say his goodbye, but he robbed Susan of hers in the process and she resents him for this until the day she dies.

**  
Hide** – She thought she had hidden her feelings well, but she has never been able to hide from Marcus, so when he finally confronts her about it, she can’t help but feel relieved that he knows.

**  
Fortune** – Susan doesn’t believe in destiny, doesn’t believe that her future is written in stone, but she can’t help herself when it comes to reading her horoscope every day, a fact that Marcus will never let her live down.

**  
Safe** – “How are you feeling?” Marcus asks, his voice anxious and uncertain, and Susan, who can’t muster the strength to be sarcastic right now, squeezes his hand as best she is able and replies weakly, “Safe.”

**  
Ghost** – She hears him everywhere, can almost swear she saw his billowing cape disappear around a corner in front of her once; his ghost is the reason she has to leave.

**  
Book** – “I didn’t know you could read, Marcus,” Susan calls out as she peruses his book shelves, laughing when she spies _The Complete Works of Dr. Seuss_ sitting prominently on the middle shelf.

**  
Eye** – Marcus once sees Susan longingly eye a set of hand-carved and painted Babushka dolls in the Zocolo and he can’t help but wonder if she will ever look at him the same way she looks at the beautiful nested doll.

**  
Never** – It never occurs to Marcus that Susan will be the one of them to be hurt so badly during their war against Clark; she has always seemed so invincible and it hurts so badly to see her accept her death so calmly.

**  
Sing** – “I suppose that, as your suitor, it’s my responsibility to serenade you--“ Marcus begins, only to be cut off by a pillow smacking into the side of his head, “but I suppose Stephen warned you about that, too?”

**  
Sudden** – It isn’t a gradual realization like she always thought it would be, quite the opposite actually; the fact that Susan Ivanova is in love with Marcus Cole hits her like a ton of bricks.

**  
Stop** – Marcus is rambling on about Minbari civil holidays or something like that, not that Susan cares, but as much as she doesn’t care, she doesn’t want him to stop speaking because there is something she finds quite alluring about his voice.

**  
Time** – Time stops, and Marcus is frozen in place, unable to move, to shout, to _breathe_ as he watches Susan go down when the White Star is hit.

**  
Wash** – The bruising underneath Susan’s eyes looks a little like smeared mascara and Marcus has the insane urge to try to wash the bruises away like so much makeup.

**  
Torn** – When Marcus makes his interest in her clear, Susan finds herself torn between her almost instinctual need to protect herself and her very human need for companionship and love.

**  
History** – “History will turn us into legends, into myths,” Susan thinks, wanting nothing more than for history to remember Marcus Cole in the best light possible, truthful or not.

**  
Power** – Susan wonders everyday if she really is the best person to be leading the Rangers and she knows that she’s not, but the best person for the job died nearly twenty years ago and no amount of tears and grief will change that, so she will continue to put on the mantle of Entil Zha and lead them as best she can in his stead.

**  
Bother** – “Why do you let him bother you?” John asks after another one of Susan’s rants about Marcus, and she lies and says she doesn’t like his lack of discipline because she can’t tell John the real reason, the one she barely lets herself think about.

**  
God** – Marcus had stopped believing in God when his family was killed, but when Susan proclaims herself the right hand of God, he finds himself thinking for the first time in years, that, yes, well, maybe there is a God after all.

**  
Wall** – Susan isn’t sure who’s more surprised by her actions: Marcus, who she has pinned against the wall or herself when she leans in and kisses him.

**  
Naked** – “Picturing you naked,” was the last answer Susan expected when she asked Marcus what he was doing staring at her.

**  
Drive** – “Cole, get the hell out of my seat,” she demands the one time he makes the mistake of sitting in the captain’s chair on the White Star.

**  
Harm** – “Ranger or not, if you don’t quit annoying me, Marcus, I will have to shoot you, and then I’ll have to fill out all that paperwork, which might just annoy me to the point where I’ll have to shoot you again, and I know you don’t want to be shot twice, so be a good boy, alright?”

**  
Precious** – Before Susan leaves Babylon 5 for her new duty post, Delenn pulls her aside and presses Marcus’ most precious possession into her hand, telling her to treasure his sacrifice; when Susan takes up the position of Entil Zha many years later, she pins the decades old brooch to her cloak and wishes not for the first time that Marcus was there with her.

**  
Hunger** – “I’m so hungry I could eat a horse,” Marcus proclaims, rubbing his stomach a little for show, to which Susan replies sarcastically, “You’ll just have to settle for something a little smaller since it’s a little difficult to get a horse through customs these days.”

**  
Believe** – Ever since her mother’s death, Susan has had a hard time believing that anyone cares for her, but when Marcus tells her that he loves her, she doesn’t doubt.


End file.
